So I drove

I did not want to go home. I did not want to be alone, dwelling over an absconded dream of love. I did not want to be in the silence of my room, trapped in my thoughts, surrounded by solid walls. So I drove. I drove up north. My exit was near, and I was just a second away from following the dead route home. I chose to go straight. I chose not to exit, but go straight, up north, following M37 into the unknown. I wanted to retreat, to run away from my misery for just a little while.

I drove past the outer edge of the mutilating feelings that I kept in this city. I stopped only once for a bottle of ice tea, and then swept the road away among the enraged evening drivers. I went past the concrete jail formed by the many buildings with the same names, the names of the restaurants, banks and cinemas that are seen everywhere. I went past three or more suburbs until the road that had all along been a two-lane raceway shrunk into a smaller trail, surrounded by trees and farms. The road soon ended, but I wasn’t done. I wasn’t far away enough. I needed to drive some more. I hopped into the highway, into US131 northbound, and I drove. Every car that I passed reminded me of the stinking smell of the rotten love I had left behind. But eventually, there were fewer cars on the road. Eventually, there were only dead trees decorated with winter leaves, and a bright blue sky that extended beyond sight. My thoughts of her, however, were still with me.

When I got tired of driving in vane, tired of running away without actually clearing my head, I took the first exit on sight. There was a state park ahead. I drove west in a country road, among the trees with their melting snow; among the people of unknown faces who lived their lives there; and among the solitude of a ghostly road. A few miles later, I reached the desolated winter dirt roads of a state park, roamed only by white-tail deer and me. But I didn’t stop. I rolled my window and let it all out. I lowered the window and screamed my thoughts out, driving in circles in this reverberant forest. Then, I turned around as if catching my echo. I figured there was no point in wasting more gas, if the broken illusion of loving her truly was not going to stay behind.  So I turned back.  I drove back on the long country road, now surrounded by darkness and a town almost as unknown and uncertain as my own future.

I drove back east until I hit US131, and this time I traveled south. The highway was long and depressing, filled with an agonizing air, a desperate need to suppress my feelings for her. I drove home. I drove back to my isolation layer to live the life without life, to feel the pain without cure, to cry the tears with no end that the mere thought of her was to bring upon me. I drove back in the long, lone highway and watched the trees dissipate as the concrete walls of this home for disrupted dreams enclosed my soul.

About Gabriel Mongefranco

Gabriel Mongefranco is your software developer for all things data: extraction, integration, analytics and security. He is also a blogger, a poet, a proud daddy and a faithful Christian. He is always eager to contract with faith-based nonprofits! Learn more.